Woman, be thou restore

A ll of us, at some point in life somehow lose something. Regardless of what one has lost, be it a loved one through death, a source of income, a tittle or position or even property or even divorce, there is grief that comes with it. In many cases, loss marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of another one in our lives. Depending on how we navigate this process, loss could be the beginning of another good or bad chapter.

The effects of loss can be very damaging when the process is not well and yet, these effects cannot be avoided. There is a sense of guilt and shame, especially if one has contributed to what they are going through. In some cases, even when we have not contributed to what we are going through, guilt still creeps in. Take the case of losing a job for example; some may attribute it to their performance even when it is not necessarily true. In another case if one gets pregnant out of wedlock, they lose respect and even sometimes opportunities for study or employment. They could also lose family relationships.

When we lose friendships there is much sadness, sadness that cannot be expressed or even explained. This is the same when one loses a loved one and can’t have them back. One feels like they can’t live without that other person, but that is a fallacy. You can live without that person, be they dead or just left you. These kinds of feelings come because we realize we cannot to do anything to change the situations we find ourselves in. All of us, somehow, always want to be in control of our lives and feel insecure when we cannot control what is going on in our lives.

As a wife, when a husband leaves you for another, it is very painful. According to James Dobson, nothing in human experience can compare with the agony of knowing that the person who has been very close to you, to whom you pledged eternal devotion has betrayed your trust and is now engaged in sexual intimacies with a “stranger”… a competitor…a more beautiful or handsome playmate. Death itself would be easier to tolerate than being tossed aside like an old shoe. Those who have experienced such a loss say that the most painful aspect is their own loneliness – knowing that their unfaithful partner is comforted in the embrace of another. Worse still, most people who drift into extra marital affairs rarely own up and neither are they remorseful. On the contrary, there is always a trace of arrogance and defiance in the way they treat the betrayed spouses. This behavior leaves the betrayed spouses even more wounded than they would be if they only had to deal with the realization that their spouses are unfaithful or they have left them for good.

Often times, because of all these effects, we linger in the situations longer than we ordinarily should. We wallow in sadness, anxiety, guilt, shame, bitterness, anger, fear and even continuously meditate on the situation instead of meditating on the word of God or on the future we would want to have after the period of morning, whatever it is you have lost. Sometimes we become bitter with those who are doing better than us or those we feel caused what we are going through leading to depression and isolate from other people.

Whatever the scenario may have been, pain is inevitable. However, what we become after that pain, squarely depends on us. Don’t get me wrong, I am not downplaying the pain, but for us to have a better chapter ahead of us, we must make a decision. The decision is whether the chapter ahead of us is going to be good or bad. Resilience is key at this point and trust me, all of us have some level of resilience that we just need to activate.

Allow me to draw some lesson form the good book, the bible. The story of Naomi and Ruth is a good case-study. However, we will focus on the lessons learnt. Naomi lost a husband, two sons (one who was Ruth’s husband) and her means of livelihood since there was famine in the land. You can find this in the book of Ruth, which has only 4 chapters in the bible.

Ruth and Naomi returned to Bethlehem after the loss of their husbands, while Orpah agreed to go away. Naomi did not make demands on her daughters in law after the loss, she did not play the victim. She, instead, requested her daughters in law to go away and find love and peace and she meant it. You note that when Orpah bed her bye she did not grudge, she just released her. Even in her grief, Naomi wanted the best for her daughters in law. She did not go into the danger of self-centeredness, an attribute that is very common for those going through tough times.

In her pain, Naomi made Ruth her friend, not an enemy and later Ruth became great comfort to her and helped in her healing process. Both Naomi and Ruth trusted God. By saying call me Mara, it means Naomi acknowledged that God was aware of what she was going through, but trusted that He would help her out. Naomi did not pretend to be fine, she was honest about her feelings.

Amidst what was going on, Naomi managed her feelings. She must have felt bitter, abandoned (by God), hopeless, and many other feelings, but she did not project her feelings on to those around her. Instead she directed her pain to God. She knew it was about her, and not about the other people and sought the Lord. Naomi also allowed herself to go through the grief process. Avoiding the grief process hinders growth and healing.

Surrendering ourselves to God brings peace. Peace is confirmation that God is with us. Peace does not mean the absence of pain, rather is it remaining still in the midst of pain and surrendering to God.

Ruth and Naomi were not lazy, Ruth went out to look for work as instructed by Naomi. It is important that we remain hard working because hard work pays, it also keeps us out of trouble.
And that is how life is, Keep moving on, keep working hard, God will show up somehow and when you least expect Him to.