What Defines You?

W omen tend to focus more on what is not working in their lives more than on what is working well. There could be three things working well, but they will still focus on the one thing not working, hence leaving very little energy for what is working. It is a no wonder then, that many women who should be excelling succumb to mediocrity.

Many women have allowed both the circumstances they find themselves in and other people to define who they are. Once this happens, they hardly live to their full potential. As a woman, it is therefore essential to ask yourself: 

1. Who am I?
2. What defines me?
3. Who and what validates me?

Who am I?

Most of the time, we define ourselves by credentials, marital status, social status, family background, economic strength etc.  Sometimes, it is even whether we have children or not, or even where there are children, we still go ahead to base our identity on their accomplishments. Unfortunately, all these things can be taken away. 

What if they are taken away, who would you be?

Who and what validates you?  

In life, there will always be someone ahead of you just like there will always be somebody behind you. There will always be a lady more beautiful than you, someone with a better house than yours, a more prestigious position than you have or even more educated than you are.  It is important to appreciate all these things, but do not let them define you. At the same time, you should not rationalize them to the extent of not appreciating other people’s successes. Just because you do not have what your friend has, is not reason enough to down-play their achievements. 

As ladies, many times we allow other people to validate us. We actually give so much power to others.  Have you ever heard women say they are fighting for their rights?  Who has your rights and when did you give out those rights?  

Often times we label ourselves and even allow others to place labels on us. 

So, you got a child out of wedlock.  Does it mean you remain with a tag on your forehead to show that you had a child out of wedlock?  Is that the only thing that defines you? It is a no wonder that when we meet with other people the first thing to say is “Í am a single parent”.  It is true you are, but is that what defines you?  ‘How about I am a mother’.

So, you are not married!  Do you have a tag on your forehead to show that?  Back in the olden days there was a well learned lady heading an educational institution and she was not married.  A local musician wrote a song about her. The question in the song was; A beautiful lady like you, with the good education, what would cause you not get married? Must she be married?

So, then I ask, who qualifies you?  Is it perhaps:

1. Your fans, those who think everything you do is just right?
2. Your siblings and parents who are blind to your flaws and cheer you on regardless of what you have done?
3. Your ex-husband who has left you for a younger and more attractive woman?
4. Your friend(s) who destructively criticize you?
5. Your in-laws, who think their son got a raw deal?
6. Your employer who has lately and continuously been on your case about your performance?
7. Your friends who constantly remind you of your widowhood and your over 10 year divorce?

I urge us then, not to be conceited, but to take note of our weaknesses and strengths, and make the best out of them all. As stated above, do not let the world decide for you who you are. You are the only one who knows who you really are. This is because you walk with you, sleep with you, dream with you; and even when you are in the same bed with your spouse, he does not get to know what you are dreaming. You think alone and sometimes know why you have the kind of thoughts you have. Again, only you know what exactly you have been through in life and why you react to things in the way you do. You know the kind of journey you have been through since you were born and understand your relationship with God. Appreciate that you are an original and not a counterfeit nor a copy of anyone else. Strive to live and die an original.

As the psalmist would have it, ‘I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well’.
(Psalm 139:14)